Ghost.

I haven’t been out at 3 a.m. in a while. By while, I mean without you.
The fog was covering the mountains in a thick layer, smoothing any jagged details. It was humid, but I still wore the flannel you liked me to keep in the backseat of my car for this very purpose. Still tucked into my security blanket, I went to sleep in the middle of my bed.
This morning, I grumbled as I took out the vacuum and swept up the place. Topsoil littered the floor and napkins were shredded under the couch. It wasn’t until I saw a pair of paws playing quietly alone that I realized we all have a silent caretaker.
I have to choose who I want to care for me, as well as who deserves my care.

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Ghost.

Party of One.

For the past month, I’ve been alone.  The vice grip of loneliness strikes suddenly and without remorse.  Sometimes it’s when I have a funny thought and no one to entertain.  Sometimes it’s when I’m watching a movie and there isn’t a chest to fall into.  And sometimes it’s when I’m completely surrounded by people and I realize not a single soul knows my name.  What’s funny is that I’ve gone almost two decades without ever feeling this kind of torture before.  I remember damning the possibility of becoming lonely.  The idea of being alone was so foreign and bizarre.  Sometimes I saw it at bus stops in the rain or in restaurant booths occupied by a single, hunched frame.  What’s funny is that my idea of loneliness is still cliched.  I didn’t realize you could be lonely while wearing a pretty dress on a sunny day.

Party of One.

Landscape.

Every day, hundreds of nameless faces pass by mine.  Double takes are rare as we go about our day.  Every day, I form little attachments to the faces I have begun to notice.  The fair girl with glowing red hair sits diagonally to me in biology.  Her fiery mane is always pulled up tightly into a pony tail, even though it must fall gorgeously onto her shoulders.  The Environmental Science major with the Roman nose tends to be late to 10 a.m. algebra, but usually shows up early to our 9 a.m. science lab.  He’ll answer question after question correctly, but won’t write a single word down.  Flippantly doodling, on the other hand, is his forte.

These faces don’t have names in my mind, but their constant presence in the background of my life has earned them identifiers.  Their life has become important to me.  To feel alone in a growing world already full of seven billion people is egotistical at best.  You are not alone and if you ever feel that way, remember this.  Every movie has extras and every portrait has a landscape.

Landscape.