Being raised by a hardened Marine and a devout Catholic had a serious effect on my social skills.  Emotions weren’t allowed in my childhood home.  Anger was bottled; sadness was hidden away.  It’s easy to idealize my personality because of this learned repression.  Describing myself is fun with buzz words like easy going, nonchalant, and tolerant.  They’re simple and conceal the unfortunate truth.  I have absolutely no idea how to interact and connect with another human being.  My instinct to maturely express myself is stunted.  Empathy is never my first reaction and I still haven’t learned how to apologize.  I let people walk all over me.  That way I don’t have to engage.  All my true feelings are locked up, which leaves my disposition to seem unoccupied and aloof.  When prompted to open up, my internal vacancy overcomes any attempt to truly identify with another.  One day, I’ll find a way to climb out of the void or I’ll blow.


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